"The Jazzy Funk-Nasties"...The Bohemian Cafe's House Poets (Character Breakdown)

Jazzy Funk Nasties are a fictitious group of poets that I created for "Bohemian Cafe`". I was inspired by some of the spoken word artists I know and the Afro-Hippy attire that I and many of the artists,poets,dancers,etc I know wear, at times more like a costume than an actual outfit.
"Really-Real Black" is a satirical poem I'd written several years ago, like in the early 90's. Basically it's about how I feel about neo-Black nationalists types who take themselves and their concept of what it means to be 'Black' waaaay too serious. At times I think some African-Americans see "Blackness" as a litmus test, but I see Black culture as not a homogeneous experience where one has to follow the status quo but unique to the individual.
Anyway, I just saw this poem as something the "Jazzy Funk-Nasties" would do.....


Everything I do is Black…
Really, reeeeeeal Black.
I’m so Black you can’t even see me, ya’ just gotta’ take it as fact!
Blacker than a Midnight Star/Blacker than a ‘Dark Chocolate Hershey Bar’/ Blacker than the bottom of the Blackest can of tar/Blacker than the “Black Panthers” think that they are!
Really,Really, Reeeeeeeeal, Black.

I only hang with women who are Black.....
Really, reeeeeal,Black. Big, thick, Nubian sistah’s with a big ole' ass in the back! Wearing cornrows and afros /an elephant’s bone in their nose/ with Kente`and mud cloth designs, intertwined on their clothes.

Now, I gotta’ have myself a man that's Black....
Really,reeeeeal, Black. With a Mandingo size d#ck swingin’ back to their crack!
I want them with muscles,all rippled and cut.I want big,manly,man hands and a tight round butt!

I want my house to be Black....
Really,reeeeeeeeeeal Black. Spears hanging,beads swangin’ and straw like a shack.
I want authentic, African art and authentic, African rugs, place mats with symbols, made in Kenya mugs.
Y’all know I even like my Coffee Black…
Really,reeeal Black. No sugar,no cream,no hint or trace of that. I don’t want any ‘white sh#t’ swirling in my java, and I want it real hot and boiling like lava!

When I wake up in the mornings and before I go to sleep at night, I only want to see Blackness and nothing of White!
So I put on my Black bathrobe/ as I get out my Black bed. Step into my Black bathroom/ and comb my nappy,Black head. Look at my Black reflection smiling back at me /all of my Black&beautiful perfection is all that I see!
So pleased with what I’m seeing,I decide to go out into the day. I’z gonna’ be droppin’ some beautiful Black Ebonics in all that I say! So I walk down my Black stairs/walk across my Black floor. Walk into my Black hallway/after I’ve opened my Black door. Open the Black shades to my Black-on-Black window……..

.....And I’ll be D@mned if I didn’t see,……some WHITE,@ss snow!

***Peace & Blessings****


  1. @ Chd:wck! Thank you kindly sir
    @ "Passions": Now, that I know it's 'you', I smile every-time I see that MJ reference!